Creative Writing Excerpts (1999)

Excerpts from Creative Writing Journal

1-27-99

I want to enjoy my last months of high school. I have been getting so over-anxious about college and the future. But I have so much to look forward to just today. Tomorrow I’m going to the All-State Jazz Choir, where I know I’m going to meet a lot of new people and learn a lot about music. I’m in school now because I genuinely want to be here for the first time in my life, I think. Grades are completely insignificant at this point. I learn to learn, I sleep when I want to, I dream when I want to. I put my feet up on the desk, because it’s more relaxing that way. I am loose, relaxed, enjoying myself immensely. No real worries, no real cares, but I’m still keeping busy. At this moment, pen in hand, I’m probably the most free I ever have been, and the most free I will be for a long time.

2-4-99

I’ve never been much of a “clothes” guy. I hate shopping with a bitter passion, and I am just as happy to wear my older neighbor’s hand-me-downs. Actually, now that I think of it, a lot of the clothes I wear now used to belong to my grandfather, who is now deceased. I’ve often gotten compliments on his old sweaters that I wear from time to time, and I always proudly respond by saying, “Yes, it used to be my grandpa’s.” It is very surprising to me that I fit into his clothes— they are even a little on the snug side. He was a big man, 6'3" at his prime, and I’m sure he was 200+ lbs. When I was little, he seemed even bigger. The big man with a big voice, a big hug for me, a big toothy smile, and a big laugh. I didn’t think about it when I was younger, but I never would have guessed that I would be wearing his clothes.

2-23-99

“Advice to a future son or daughter”

Give yourself as much as possible, and never close anything off. If you think you are really into sports, play sports, but don’t ignore music and art. People are beautiful, people are valuable, and you have so much to learn from everyone you meet. If they have lived and had experience, they have wisdom for you. They can bring you joy, pain, or something to think about. Now, having said this, if you find a passion, plunge yourself into it without restriction. Let yourself go. Don’t try to control everything all the time. The strongest people are the most vulnerable. If you open your soul and give your life up to the hands of God, he will fill you and make you soar beyond anything that you thought was humanly possible.

3-2-99

A sunset tastes like butterscotch syrup as it slowly seeps down the side of an ice cream sundae. The ice cream tastes like the moon in November in the North. The nuts are a thick underbrush crunching beneath a hiker. The cherry on top reminds me of dew shaking off of the bushes in my front yard. The aroma of bread feels coarse and firm, with the texture of sawdust and sandpaper. And grainy, like a log of timber.

3-9-99

“Crimes of Ignorance”

Art is like light

We can only observe it

Through a medium

The better we understand the medium

The better we understand the art

The more it makes us grow

Burning paper

Might be art

Might be a poem

I don’t understand it

So teach me how your medium works

And maybe then

I’ll understand your poetry

March 17, 1999

“Civilization”

It’s always a convenience

That destroys a vision.

your glasses break

coffee spilled

some change falls out of your pocket.

A girl in the dark

Held my hand across a chair

And whispered a prayer.

I would have given a standing ovation

But I wasn’t supposed to be there.

Whenever the words start to flow

As soon as the song is in tune

When you finally connect with another human being,

The lights turn on

Your parents come home

The potatoes start to boil over.

3-18-99

If I was a tree, I would want to be planted in the courtyard of a college campus. My favorite thing is learning, knowledge, and the search for truth— which are all the same. I love colleges, and I can just picture a young student being struck by my metaphorical Newton’s Apple. It seems the most exciting areas of human activity and human thought always occur at universities. But maybe that’s because I’m going to college next year.

3-24-99

A want-ad for myself

I am seeking a man who is seeking. His hobbies are singing and acting, but most importantly, he wants to understand his universe and his fellow people. He thrills in not knowing, because while there is dark, a potential exists for discovery.

5-4-99

I feel spiritual acting in a play, singing, listening to music, attending a concert, eating soup, looking at flowers, lying on the grass, understanding something in math or physics. Ironically, never when I am discussing religion or the philosophy of religion. In a way, I think, rational philosophical discussion strips the spiritualism out of God and religion. Interesting.

May 10, 1999

Partially because I enjoy writing, partially because I am afraid of my thoughts being lost forever, and partially because I have this romantic notion that someone in the future may want to read this, I have decided to start writing a journal. I thought of it this afternoon when I was dusting the baseball fields for a junior bronco game. I finished and was winding up the yellow rope, when one of the coaches came over to me with a smile on his face. “That’s a work of art,” he said to me. I thanked him. He kept going. “Michelangelo ain’t nothing to a diamond.” I nodded, once again taking in my handiwork— the chalk shining brightly against the dirt of the field, all the bases geometrically lined up. I walked home with chalk still on my hands and it was just a gorgeous day. I ran into my buddy Ben walking with a camera. I asked him if he was taking a class or something. He smiled and said, “No, I was just really inspired by all the flowers.” Cheesy, I suppose, but I can afford melodrama in my personal reflections, n’est-ce pas?

Sometimes I wish it would rain, because that means I won’t have to go to work. But I’m glad it didn’t rain today.

See? Perfect example, right there.